The Second First Admission
by ShutUpAndPull
Summary: A one-shot: Because I read a prompt about Kate kissing Rick after he stopped the bomb from going off in ep. 3x17, because Josh served a definitive purpose, because season 3.


_Three. Two. One. Zero._

Then it happened. Just as swiftly as Rick had yanked the cluster of wires from the menacing device and set them and the city around them free, Kate's mouth claimed his in sweet triumph and relief, the intensity in her manifestation of emotion mightily met and matched.

He put up no resistance to her firm advance, not for a second, allowed her exploration of the as yet uncharted territory between them to perpetuate at her pace, as though he wasn't at all surprised she came for him, as though he was fully prepared, as though it was the most common, the most natural, of their habits, and she felt instantly ignited by the flutter his readiness triggered within her.

Kate's heart continued to race as the city's brisk air whirled across her lips and dulled the glisten Rick's had left there, the deadly bomb he'd seconds ago managed to disarm no longer its beat's catalyst. There the weapon sat, lifeless in the back of the van beside them, the ominous countdown of its timer to their inevitable fate halted, and at the instant he'd rendered it powerless, so too, it seemed, had become her resistance.

Despite just a single previous taste, one heartlessly brief, Kate remembered the softness of his lips, the warmth, but more than that, more than the saltiness of nerves or the sweetness of hope, she remembered the agony of having to relinquish them too soon, a task even more excruciating than had been the wait for their inaugural touch.

Just weeks before had been that first, that first time she'd stepped off the cliff she knew would lead only to one place, to not a want but a need of more, and oh how it had, but there'd been a thug then, a goon, an excuse incarnate she could've hidden behind if Rick had ever spoken later of her rather undisguised enthusiasm for what turned out to be his not-so-dumb idea of distraction.

Luckily he hadn't-not afterwards in the ambulance as she'd tenderly nursed his battle wounds, not during the palpable silence that'd settled over their car ride back to the precinct, not on any day since-because had she been confronted then, her response surely would've been one born of little more than fear.

But now. Now felt different.

"What was that?" Kate found herself speechless, yet not entirely displeased about it. "You just kissed me," Rick continued into the hush. "Wait," he blurted as his hands patted frantically at haphazard spots along his body, including the one he treasured most. "I'm still alive, right? I mean, not to suggest you don't look like heaven right now because you do."

A smile tugged at the corners of Kate's mouth, which she fought tigerishly and managed to suppress. "Yes, Castle, we're both still alive. And you can relax. We still have all of our body parts." _How hypocritical_ , she thought, telling him to settle when she clearly couldn't control her own mind or body.

"Thank God, I have a ton of stuff on my bucket list I haven't crossed off yet."

"I'm sure your mother and daughter would be happy to hear your first thought after successfully facing down a dirty bomb was of your bucket list, Castle."

The echo of sirens neared from all directions as their bodies remained close.

"Actually, my first thought was of that kiss," Rick replied wide-eyed. Kate tossed him a look he was most familiar with, one that necessitated no commentary. "But, I see your point. We'll just…we'll circle back around to that later."

Kate pulled off her gloves and shoved them into her coat pocket, where she found her phone, but before she was able to call up Esposito's name in her contacts to dial him, his car screeched to a stop behind them, and both he and Ryan rushed over. They'd heard what was going on and raced over from the precinct.

"Shit, did you guys stop that thing? How?" Espo asked incredulous, stepping in for a closer look.

Ryan followed close behind his partner to get his peep. "Whoa. Was it a whole red wire/blue wire _Lethal Weapon_ thing?"

"It was a Castle-grabbed-all-the-wires-and-pulled thing," Kate answered, still shocked by both the attempt and the success of such an absurd experiment.

"No way. You did that, Castle?" Ryan gushed.

"Sounds like a pretty stupid-ass thing to do to me," Espo needled, temporarily deflating Rick's balloon of pride and amusing Kate. "That shit only works in movies, bro."

"And yet, here we stand," Rick replied smugly and earned Kate's eye. "And it feels like a whole new world, boys."

Teams of agency officers in any brand of uniform began to swarm about, and the scene went from oddly calm to chaotic. Kate was quickly pulled aside by Fallon and the host of others who accompanied him, and Rick was left with Ryan and Espo, his body still buzzing with the events of the previous minutes.

"You gonna ask your buddy the mayor to throw you a parade now, Castle? Big hero of the city?" Espo snickered.

"Yeah, you're welcome for all the saving your ass from radiation contamination, Esposito," Rick bit back at the mockery, his focus beamed directly at Kate. She pushed her hands through her hair and away from her face and he swallowed hard at the sight. Seconds later, she came walking back towards them.

"Castle, they need to debrief us. Fallon wants us back at the 12th. Why don't you ride with these guys and I'll meet you there. I need to take care of something first." But she didn't have anything to take care of first. What she needed was more time to figure out what the hell she was going to say when he circled back around to the kiss later. "I won't be long."

Rick heard something in her voice. He knew her too well. "Are you sure? You don't want-"

"It's not a big deal, Castle, okay? I said I'll meet you."

Espo and Ryan shared a look. "Yeah, no problem, Beckett, we'll take him. Come on, Castle," Ryan said.

It was a big deal, though, and both she and Rick felt it.

 **xxxx**

It wasn't just the kiss, of course, not that the kiss wasn't a lot, but Kate kept thinking about the freezer, about the first time they'd nearly died working Fallon's case, about what she'd said to Rick-words she meant, yet words she hadn't intended on sharing, at least not yet.

She did love him. It was terribly simple. It was painfully complicated. And now he knew it. That wasn't something she could just excuse away, and, deep down, she didn't want to. But there was Josh, and her feelings for Rick, no matter how real and how strong and no matter what she'd said or done over the past twenty-four hours, weren't going to magically make him disappear.

"You know, I was thinking. I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk together or something," Rick said once their business at the precinct was done and Fallon was gone. "I'd suggest ice cream, but I think I'd rather steer clear of anything frozen for the near future, for obvious reasons."

The sweetness of his tone caught Kate in an adolescent blush, and though all she'd imagined was going home and sliding into a hot bath, she didn't feel ready to leave him either.

"Yeah, I think I'd-" she started to respond before a voice called her name.

Rick saw Josh before she did and she watched his face change, the smile in his eyes fade. He wasn't the only one.

"Hey you," Josh said as he settled his hands upon Kate's shoulders and kissed her at the temple. "Rick," he acknowledged, though the seemingly begrudging nod went unreciprocated. "Everything okay? Am I interrupting something?"

Kate and Rick each screamed a silent _Yes!_ to the other before she brushed off the concern.

"No, we were just…I forgot you were going to stop by."

"Well, thank you for that," Josh responded in a huff of breath, and Rick swallowed down his perverse enjoyment of the exchange.

"It's been a long day, Josh, okay?" Kate's voice was laced with the frustration of his intrusion, and she felt instantly guilty about it.

Rick pulled aside the sleeve of his jacket and feigned a glance at his watch in an effort to try and extricate himself from the situation. "I, um, I have to go. There's a thing with Alexis at someplace in…soon, and I need to be there." Kate didn't want him to leave, and they both damn well knew he didn't have to be anywhere. "Maybe another time," he told her with a soft curl of his lips. "Get some rest. I'll see you."

He turned for the elevator and Josh started immediately. "Your shadow is weird, you know that?" When Kate moved for her desk, he dropped into Rick's chair and she felt her jaw clench. "What's another time?"

"It's nothing." _It's everything_ , her brain whispered. "So, what's up?"

"Well, aside from wanting to see my girlfriend, which I don't get to do a lot, I wanted to let you know I found out I've been rescheduled for Haiti, and I leave soon-tomorrow afternoon soon. I thought I'd have more time with Phillips already down there, but they need me and I have to go."

Kate continued to push paperwork around like she was paying any attention to it at all, which she wasn't. "So, you came to see me to tell me you won't be seeing me for who knows how long," she said more to herself than to him, and she thought about how much Rick would enjoy the irony of that moment.

"Are we really going to have that discussion again, Kate? With the little time we do have, is that what we're going to do?"

She pushed her chair back and got up, grabbed her bag out of one of the drawers. "We're not, because this day has been way too long, and I don't have the energy. I'm going home. I assume you have to do the same, right, so you can pack?"

He stood after her and ran a hand down her arm. "Go home and relax. I'll call you later."

"Yeah," Kate said and they took off in opposite directions across the bullpen.

 **xxxx**

Rick's phone rang just after 10PM as he sat alone in the loft with a second pour of scotch in his hand. He'd called Martha and Alexis in the Hamptons when he'd left the precinct to let them know it was safe to return to the city, but given the already late hour of the afternoon, they'd elected to stay the night and return the following morning.

It wasn't something Kate normally did, just call him out of the blue like that, absent some poor soul's untimely death as her prompt, but there she was and his curiosity was quickly piqued.

"So, if there's no body, what's going on? Is everything okay?" he asked, assuming something had to be wrong.

"I know it's late, Castle, but can we talk?"

She was obviously walking, because he could hear the din of the Friday night streets through the phone. "Of course, sure, about what?"

"Not over the phone, Castle. I'm already…can I come over?"

"Um, yeah," he said springing off the couch and spilling much of his scotch in the process. He'd just climbed out of his second shower since he'd arrived home-one had felt inadequate after the events of the day-and he was dressed only in a tee and boxers for bed, his hair a wet muss. "I'll…just, come up whenever."

She was just blocks away from his building when she called, having left her own the moment she'd hung up with Josh after a conversation that'd become impossible to put off any longer, and she felt nervous, but not in a way that inspired dread. It was more like a rush, like that night in the alley when Rick pulled her into him and set his eyes on her lips, when she knew something was going to happen, and she didn't know exactly what it was, but she wanted absolutely to find out.

She took an unhelpful breath in as she stood at his door not ten minutes after she'd called, and Rick answered with an expression she couldn't quite read, unsurprising she supposed, since she'd offered him no reason at all for her unusual request.

"Hey, come on in," he said, running his fingers through the still-wet strands of his hair. He'd slipped on a pair of jeans after tending to his spill and turning on the coffee pot for them. "I just put on some coffee. It should be ready in a few minutes, if you want."

"Sure, yeah, thanks." He led her over to the couch in the meantime and they sat in its opposite corners. "Martha and Alexis are…?"

"Still in the Hamptons. They'll be back at some point tomorrow."

"I bet you're anxious to see them after having to send them away. Must've been really hard."

Rick looked into her eyes and she didn't turn away. "Not that I don't adore my mother and daughter, Beckett, but I'm actually more anxious to find out what brought you here. I figured you'd be with Josh tonight, celebrating being alive or his enviable head of hair or something. Besides, here isn't someplace you are a lot. I mean unless there's a poker game going on or your own apartment's been blown up." He punctuated all of it with a grin, which she reciprocated.

Kate looked down at her hands and her fingers were clasped together so tightly, her knuckles were white. "Castle, everything that happened during the case, it's just, I need to-"

The coffee maker let out a set of beeps and they both turned towards the kitchen. "You need to have a cup of coffee, apparently," Rick said. "Sorry, I don't have any vanilla for you, but Alexis has some almond milk, I think."

It seemed there was always something in their way-her way-even high-end appliances. "Okay, thanks, I'll try that. Do you want me to come help?"

"I bring you your coffee every morning, remember? I'm a pro at it, trust me." He pushed up off the couch and the scent of his soap or his shampoo or both wafted marvelously in her direction. "You just sit and continue to look gorgeous and I'll be right back."

"Yeah, right," she said with a dismissive chuckle.

"I'm serious," he called out from behind the kitchen counter. "I've taken two showers since I left the precinct and I still look like this."

Kate angled her head ever so slightly, hoping he wouldn't notice, and took him in, and there was nothing about what she saw that she didn't find dangerously appealing. "At least you smell nice, Castle," she teased. "There's a bit of consolation for you."

"I see the newest additions to your list of near-death experiences haven't affected your sarcasm, thank God." He walked around the couch behind her and set her mug on the table before he crossed back to his side. "Nikki appreciates the inspiration, by the way. It's really helped her banter game with Rook."

Kate rolled her eyes. She wondered if she'd ever get used to the book thing, or now the movie thing for crying out loud. "This is good, thanks," she said of the coffee.

"Changing the subject, got it. So, back to the why of the visit then, maybe? Or I could just talk some more about how gorgeous you look, instead." He brought his mug to his lips, but she could still see the smile in his eyes.

It was entirely his fault. She wasn't like this before he invaded her life. She didn't go weak over the spice of soap or have recurring dreams about the sensation of a man's lips on her body or fall in love against the every protestation of her brain. He'd done this to her, and now she was too far gone to ever want anyone or anything else.

"You look really serious, all of a sudden," he said sounding the same. "Whatever it is, Beckett, you can tell me. Maybe I can help." Kate eyed him from beneath her lashes. "What? I'm helpful sometimes."

There was no good place to start. Or, there was no easy place to start was more like it, and her struggle was clearly written all over her.

"Look, Castle, what I said to you when we were stuck in that freezer," she began and then abruptly stopped to collect the rest of her words.

Rick's body shivered exaggeratedly. "Just thinking about it makes me cold. Sorry. And not that I don't always listen attentively to everything you say, but my brain is still kind of fuzzy about all of that. Can you remind me?"

"Seriously?" she said before she was able to stop herself. He'd delivered her an out on a silver platter, but she'd gone entirely the other way.

All at once, he looked like a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar, guilty, though he had no clue of his offense. "Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it was something important, given the look on your face right now."

It'd been one of the most important things she'd ever said, and he didn't remember it, and suddenly she felt angry about that rather than relieved. "Whatever, Castle," she snipped as she set her mug back down on the table and stood up.

"Where are you going? Wait, you're leaving?"

"I shouldn't have come here." Kate went for the door and he took off after her, grabbed her by the arm. "Let me go, Castle."

"Not until you tell me why you're so upset. You came here for a reason, Beckett, and I didn't mean to make you angry, but I obviously have. You need to tell me why. How can I try to fix it if you won't tell me why?"

Whether his touch or his eyes or his words, she pushed up onto her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips in her exasperation, brief but definitive.

His fingers remained steady, wrapped around her arm. "You kissed me again. I've made you angry hundreds of times and you've never kissed me for it. I want you to know if this is some sort of new punishment system, I'm all for it."

Kate tugged free of his hold and turned away. "You really don't remember, do you?" She felt his hand at her back and her eyes closed as his touch played on her body. It was why she'd come. It was why she'd ended things with Josh. It was why she'd felt more alive over the past two years than she had in a decade. It was why she wasn't going to run anymore. "I told you I loved you, Castle. How could you not remember that?"

The seconds of deafening silence that followed felt like hours until he finally said something. "You…When?"

She slowly came back around. "In the freezer, Castle. Have you been listening at all?"

"No you didn't. Kate, I've been in love with you since before I met you. Do you honestly think you could say something like that to me and I wouldn't remember? I don't care how cold I am or how close to death."

Her knees almost gave out beneath her. And he thought he was confused? "But I…"

"So, I guess you came here to tell me I should forget it, right? That it was a mistake. That people say things when they think they're about to die."

"No," she said and closed what little distance there was between them.

"Oh, Kate, you're going to need to spell all of this out for me very clearly before I do something terribly stupid."

"Josh is gone, Castle."

Josh was more than gone. She'd sent him away, ended their relationship, such that it was for two people who rarely saw one another. And she'd already told Rick that, that their distance made her feel safe, when what it really did was allow her a place to hide from what she truly longed for, but what terrified her in its power.

"Gone where?"

"I couldn't be with him, anymore. I couldn't be with him just because I was too scared of what I really wanted. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't working."

He used a finger to curl her hair around her ear. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can say I'm sorry. Would you like to hear what I really want, instead?"

Kate didn't say anything, but she answered just the same.

"This. This moment is all I've ever wanted since I met you, and if you really meant what you think you said, I promise you there isn't a luckier man on this earth tonight."

"I still don't know how the hell it happened, but I did."

"So, I guess that's why you keep kissing me then. Best reason ever."

"Well, someone had to take charge," she replied in jest.

Rick pressed his fists to his hips in objection. "Hey, I wanted to kiss you every time I saw you, believe me, but in my defense, you had a rather large boyfriend and you carry a gun, which you've threatened me with on more than one occasion."

She gazed first at his lips, then his eyes, then his lips again. "I don't have either right now."

His hand found her neck beneath her hair and he pulled her close. "Luckiest man on Earth," he whispered before neither spoke another word.


End file.
